Excalet

My First Planet

Series 1

1. The Landing Has Landed

On the first day of colonising planet XB-1174, Brian leads the steering committee meeting as the inhabitants Lillian, Mason, Archer, Carol, and Richard discuss the plans for their new home. They also discuss Project Adam which is a plan to conceive the first child away from Earth with Richard and Carol tasked with the job under the watch of physician Lillian. The group also contend with the death of Burrows on the trip to the planet who managed to eat a large portion of the food supply after there was no one left to enable his chamber. Lillian also discovers that Carol and Richard are not really a couple and lied to go into space, ruining her scientific plans.

2. Hairdresser from Space

On day seven of life on planet XB-1174, Archer manages to get outside after getting confused while performing maintenance in the air lock. Everyone has also taken to styling their hair in unusual ways due to a lack of hair stylist on board. Lillian is still sore about the undermining of Project Adam and continues to insist that Brian should resign for his lack of leadership ability, and also removes Archer's arm in retaliation for his venture outdoors. Richard sets about taking up hairdressing to prove his worth to the rest of the crew, though is beaten to the punch by Mason who creates a hairdressing clone named Scolding.

3. The Noticeboard of Doom

Brian is hoping to reduce the average weekly death rate, while Richard is out of another job now that Mason has developed software to transcribe Brian's memos. Lillian has a new experiment on the go which involves Archer wearing hot pants while also forcing her vitamin drinks on Carol which is having a strange effect. Richard sets about publishing a newsletter to keep the rest of the colonists informed, though Brian sets about reducing his publishing schedule which puts him at odds with Lillian, and results in Richard publishing salacious material. Lillian's strange behaviour with regard to her vitamin drinks leads to accusations she is restarting Project Adam.

4. Inglorius Barters

The group set about performing an intervention with regards to Richard and his continued lethargy. Meanwhile, Richard's laziness has become so bad he asks Carshalton to turn down the gravity. While waiting for the toilet, Carol discovers that chief engineer Donnelly has been giving backrubs in exchange for getting others to do his work for him though finds Brian is mostly unconcerned. The emerging barter economy in the base results in Lillian having to give belly-dancing lessons after falling into debt while Carol worries when Brian reveals that he has a button which can destroy the entire lab should the barter economy result in cannabalism, as predicted by computer models.

Series 2

1. Sample of Terror

It is day thirty and the crew are having a meeting in which Lilian brings up the topic of a baby being born again. She hopes to persuade another couple to have a baby to allow Project Adam to proceed, with Collins and Mason ending up role-playing an introduction which goes well initially until his suggestion of a threesome with Franklin. Collins meanwhile ends up hitting it off with Richard which sets Project Adam back on track though an siren suggesting the nuclear core is in meltdown, threatens to disturb on-goings. With the base on restricted power, Brian and Archer take to helping power Lilian's lab by cycling to generate power while also competing in a simulated Tour de France.

2. One Small Naughty Step for Man

Brian is struggling to make his report before being interrupted by an implanted chip alert which allows colonists to be tracked. Lilian has since lost interest in Project Adam having taken up a new hobby which involves having released a cold virus into the colony. The colony teacher, Miss Botting, also needs to be informed that she won't have a child to educate, and makes clear her disappointment in Carol and Richard. Botting sets about putting the base into lockdown which impacts Lilian's experiments and leaves her fuming. Lillian and Botting get along initially until Botting says the wrong thing, while Botting suggests that she and Brian should take the lead on Project Adam, until she promptly begins sneezing.

3. They Came to Test Our Brains!

Mason is in Carol's bad books by destroying her recently grown rare Hyacinth's. Brian meanwhile has concerns about the food supply which is in crisis. Archer and Richard are sent outside the base to look for a soil sample though struggle to complete the task. Mason is caught experimenting on Carol's yams which soon begin to communicate before demanding to be left alone. Archer takes to talking to the yam and proves more difficult for it to get rid of. Lilian sets about hosting a quiz for the colony which Brian hopes to use to showcase his intelligence though ends up coming fourth.

4. Adjective from Space!

It is day forty-three with Brian having nothing much to report other than finding out the base computer has a voice which had been muted. A man appears in Brian's room just as he is about to go to bed revealing that he has been with them all along operating under stealth, before promptly disappearing. At the next meeting, Brian becomes hysterical after announcing a food shortage resulting in Lilian injecting him with a concoction to knock him out. Richard meanwhile takes to using hipster talk while the base faces an election between Brian and Lilian as both candidates work out what their campaign will focus on, until he discovers that Richard is standing in her place instead.

5. Let Me Entertain Me

Someone has taken to trying to litter via the air lock while Lilian admits to having spent several hours watching the CCTV but didn't see the culprit. Everyone else has also taken to revealing they watch it, with Carol suggesting that they are missing out on creativity. Lilian reveals that a poet, Hopkin, is onboard having been selected for the trip though now quite unwell, resulting in Brian deciding to visit him. Richard meanwhile sets about improving the CCTV storylines by getting into a fake argument with Lilian, who promptly sedates him. The ongoings of the base lead them to discover who the litter lout is.

6. Day Trip to Terror!

Brian and the others are stuck in the meeting room after the heated floor malfunctions. Eventually managing to escape, the group plan to do something interesting and settle on an expedition to find a rover once sent from Earth. Venturing out in the exploration vehicle in which Mason immediately crashes into the garage door as they head out, then crashing again which results in an accident in which Lilian has to operate on herself. Mason also ends up stuck under the vehicle in a bad way, leading Brian, Carol, and Archer heading back to the base to seek help though have their own struggles which leaves the situation looking bleak.